evoke

~Fairy Tales~

2011-07-12T08:58:00.001-07:00

"the one that listens and hears everything,
the one that sees you and looks right through your soul,
the one that makes you believe in every fucking fairy tale you've ever been told.."

~Think~

2011-02-01T03:38:00.000-08:00

Think of the words.
Put them in order.
Make her smile.
Make her laugh.
Never make her grumpy.
Never make her cry.
Think of the words.
Those 3 words.
Me.You.Us.
Then Smile....

~Merry Christmas~

2010-12-23T16:01:00.001-08:00

While everyone is busy exchanging presents,
We just want to feel your presence,

While everyone is busy having a feast,
We wished you knew how much of you we've missed,

While I have Mum and Koko to keep me strong,
I hope that someone up there keeps you strong,

I hope that someone is keeping you company,
On this day and for every other day,

Merry Christmas Pa.
Till we meet again...

p/s : Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...

~Journey~

2010-10-28T06:53:00.000-07:00

Got this idea to write this small piece from the most unpredictable source/place/person..but here goes...

"We'll travel together, we'll go on a journey just you and me, and on this journey we'll have no destination, cause the journey will become our destination..."

Epiphany

2010-08-24T05:53:00.000-07:00

A sudden realization or comprehension of the (larger) essence or meaning of something. Hmmm...since being *down south i've had 'a sudden realization' of many things...and i've been only here for almost 2 months...so here's the list...or the more obvious things i've realized...

1. It's not always clean here...

2. You know you're truly m'sian when you reach into your pockets at the end of the day and find a whole lot of garbage. Cause apparently you get fined and sent for corrective action.

3. You know you aren't local when you're the only one NOT using headphones/playing a psp/playing an iphone when you're taking the public transport.

4. You realize it only takes 30 minutes to get from one end to the other -____-. Traffic jams are apparently being stuck in the same spot for 5 minutes. Anything above that time limit is a national catastrophe.

5. Apparently taxi cab drivers here are expert political advisors/critics that hate the current ruling goverment but at the end of the day they still vote for the same government.

6. You know you're m'sian when it's green to cross the road but you're the only idiot looking both sides to see if it's safe to cross yet.

7. No FUCKING MAMAK!!!

8. You realize how much you miss proper m'sian food when you head back home and you just gorge yourself until you puke then gorge yourself all over again. Then get stuck in an infinite loop of eating and puking until it's time to board the plane back.

9. They line up for everything.EVERYTHING.urgh.

10. They block torrent sites.KNNCCB!!!btw P2P is illegal...WTF?

11. One for the road. They're freaking workaholics but the money is good.

*PS: the name of the country i currently am in has been omitted to protect me for being charge under any weird rules/regulations they have. hmmm come to think of it. do i have any *down south friends...?

~Notes to You~

2010-06-23T22:47:00.000-07:00

"I'm sorry, you weren't suppose to hear what I said about you and what I wanted to do to you. I didn't know you were listening. I made sure you couldn't hear what I was talking about behind your back. I know you're angry but don't do this to me, don't breakdown in front of me when I need you the most and don't give me the silent treatment in the morning. It been so many years, don't you think it's time the both of us moved on? I'm sure someone out there needs you more than I do now and of course the same goes for me. Do you know the price that you're going for is as cheap as a cheap whore, you are just a local anyways, so I don't blame you. You've been awesome all these years, but I need, I want something better...It's not you, It's me..."

p/s : ~Notes to You~ is dedicated to my car (my trusty proton wira), since the day she heard I had intentions of selling her off. She has been acting all weird...*lolz*

~Sooner than later?~

2010-06-21T05:26:00.000-07:00

I guess the day I got up and left was always dawning, I just never knew it would happen so fast, one moment I'm sitting in a room being interviewed and being offered an opportunity of a lifetime, next moment I'm logging heads with my manager bout my resignation notice, it's a real relief that, that drama is all over. Soon, I would be leaving to chase my dream. To chase my destiny perhaps? I've been asking for a challenge all along haven't I? The Challenge has been put on a silver platter now. But yet I'm having mix emotions about leaving. My head screams "Go chase your dreams!!!"...My heart yells "What about home?What about family?What about mum?"...Am I worrying too much?Am I over thinking stuff?Just the other day...

Me : Ma, I'll be going in two weeks. Are you sure you want me to go? You'll be all alone...
Mum : ......Sooner or later, you'll leave right?It's a once in a lifetime opportunity. Go for it. I'll be alright...
Me : ..................................

I just didn't know what to say. I felt like breaking down. But I put on a brave face. I acted as though it was nothing. But deep inside, no one else but me knew that I didn't want to leave. I was scared. I was petrified. But if I stayed I would be letting go of my dreams. Letting go of what I believed in. Ma, I'm sure you'll be fine. But I'm not sure if I'll be fine. I think I'm more worried of me being alone than you are of me being alone. Get it? But, I'll take the first step out to test the waters, I'll make you, koko (not forgetting mandy) and pa (god bless his soul) proud. You all have sacrifice so much to get me where I am today. I won't let you down. I won't let us down.

And then it beckons, how would a boy always living under mummy's care pack up and leave?Out in the world all alone. Allergic to soap powder and goes *bluek* at the slightest smelly smell.And not forgetting my biggest fear.No clean underwear...SERIOUS...looks like I'll be using my swimming trunks alot huh? (inside joke)...one more thing, about that carton of Indomee. It's still there right?...

~Cute~

2010-04-24T08:46:00.001-07:00

I want to be close to you like,
shoes and laces,
teeth and braces,
orlikeasentencewithnospaces...

p/s : came across it while browsing the net...

*real life update*

1. Been spending most of my weekdays up in Sitiawan.
2. Started to be a little more adventurous with the food there. Either i'm just getting used to the mediocre food or it's not that bad after all.
3. The tv in my hotel room did not turn on by itself again *lol*...
4. People need to learn english. Just like how i need to learn how to speak mandarin and cantonese i'm making an effort. I'm sure you non english speaking people can make an effort too.
5. I won't laugh if you speak english funny. Please don't fucking speak engrish with me. I will smack you.

~I Didn't~

2010-03-04T02:57:00.000-08:00

I didn't want to look at you,
cause if I did,
I would miss you even more.
I didn't want to hold you,
cause if I did,
I would not have let you go.
I didn't want to speak to you,
if i did,
i would have said something stupid,
that something stupid would be,
iloveyou.pleasedon'tgo....

*real life update*

1. Work isn't that bad anymore...workload is picking up
2. Will have to go to setiawan again -___-
3. Still waiting for 'the call'
4. Some times i think...i think too much... :-)...

~Stay/Leave~

2010-02-07T00:45:00.000-08:00

She wanted to stay. I wanted her to leave. If only she would just come back. Home is where the heart is at, she always said. And her heart was where it belonged. But if she only knew, knew how hard i had fallen, fallen for her. Maybe. Just maybe she wouldn't stay...

*Real-life update*
1. Survived setiawan (traveled back in time when i was there...yes time move so slow that it actually moves backwards...)
2. Life was so slow in setiawan that tortoises' move faster than anyone else...
3. Will have to go back to setiawan again -__-
4. Been having a little TOO much fun...
5. Looking forward to CNY holidays...(fingers crossed company closes for a week)

~Stuck~

2010-01-20T08:04:00.000-08:00

Okay, some of you might find it old, some might find it totally random but i think this makes ALOT of sense...well as some already know on my way to work today i saw a cow stuck in a drain...REALLY stuck as in cannot MOVE at all..can move head only cause head popping out k...haha...so it then brings us to the question..why was the cow crossing the road?...*lol*...for greener pastures?as the saying goes the grass is always greener on the other side...but they don't talk bout the shitty journey to the other side huh?...see how the cow got stuck while trying to get to the other side...

well then it got me thinking...was this a sign?a heavenly message?or just a coincidence...here i am going on my way to work going to a job that i having mix emotions about (mostly because i have no work yet)...i keep thinking of other jobs (crossing over to the other side where the grass is greener)...but i'm stuck..(stuck in the drain just like the cow)...i can't make up my mind just yet but i have a choice not like the cow..it didn't have a choice it was stuck..*hahaha stupid cow*...i have a choice whether i want to go and stay...staying doesn't sound so bad if they gave me more to do...at least i could learn more...well leaving could be better, i could find a job i REALLY like *hopefully*...so for now i think i shall give myself a little more time..stay.be patient.be very patient.maybe good things will come soon...if not resign and go find another job lor...hahaha...

p/s : still thinking of the cow...*cow! if you can read this i'm sorry i didn't help and i hope you're safe and sound and unstuck by now!*

~Hope~

2010-01-19T18:19:00.000-08:00

Woke up this morning with the weather above me... ;-) so spent a little more time sitting in front of the idiot box before getting ready for work...tuned in to A Knight's Tale..*awesome movie*...but what caught my attention was... this...

It is strange to think, I haven't seen you since a month. I have seen the new moon, but not you. I have seen sunsets and sunrises, but nothing of your beautiful face. The pieces of my broken heart are so small that they could be passed through the eye of a needle. I miss you like the sun misses the flower; like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to, the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to. Hope guides me, that is what gets me through the day and the night. The hope that after you're gone from my sight, it will not be the last time that I look upon you.

...beautiful...dare i say it is how i feel now...if only i dared...if only...

*Real life update*
Haven't had thoughts of changing jobs yet this week ;-) *good sign?*
Saw a cow stuck in a drain this morning, really wanted to help, but i didn't...
Still thinking about that cow...could it be a message or a sign?
Feeling sick...can i go home now?

~Beautiful~

2010-01-16T08:01:00.000-08:00

i know i should update more...but today...it's just

"You put the beautiful in life"

*Real life update*

i think i belly will never go away... :-(
i forgot how to get to my office i missed the turn off to my office and headed to midvalley...
this week i don't feel like i need to find another job...
maybe next week i will again...

~Addiction~

2010-01-12T04:24:00.000-08:00

I was so confident of how I felt but yet so confuse of what I was feeling. Never have I felt so vulnerable. It felt so fragile. As though the slightest wrong move would shatter everything or in this case the wrong words. Lust or Love. Infatuation perhaps? Or could I just be falling again. Falling in Love. I felt as though she was my survival. Each day I eagerly wait for her. Just to get a daily dose of her. I was addicted. And she was my addiction...

*real life update*

I spend too much time on FB and MSN.
I have too much time to THINK at work. Hence, making me thinking of changing jobs again.
Everyone thinks that I'm an idiot or stupid cause i want to change jobs again.
They always say 'FUCK YOU' but they are my closest friends and i appreciate their feedback.
so 'FUCK YOU' too...hehe...

~Drama~

2010-01-04T05:57:00.001-08:00

He : hey, i've finally moved on. i don't need you anymore

She : what do you mean? you said you will always love me...

He : i was dumb then, stupid and ignorant. now, i finally can say, i'm happy for you.

She : is it another girl?i miss you baby...you know i will always love you...

He : What bullshit...you left first remember?and by the way you have another already...

She : but it's different...why?!?!?

He : how is it different?you're fucking someone else...i'm not...

She : why are you treating me like this?i hate you!!

He : karma, bitch...it bites back...

She : how could you?you said you will love me forever...

He : you said it too remember...look where that got us

She : but but but...

He : can't you just be happy for me, just like i am happy for you?

She : *silence*

He : it's over...i moved on..i don't need you anymore...

*click*

*real life update*

started swimming.can't feel my legs.
practicing guitar hero on a daily basis.
already looking forward to CNY holidays.
finished watching big bang theory.
needs to start saving.
needs to start planning holidays.
needs better pay?...

~sunshine~

2009-12-29T03:06:00.000-08:00

she was like the sun,
she would light up the darkest of my days,
cause her smile shone brighter than she sun,
her touch so warm,
just like the warmth of the sun's rays on a cold winter's day,
her voice would melt my heart,
the thought of her would make me walk on the clouds,
she always made me smile,
oh how i wish i could make her mine,
make her my sunshine...

*real life update*

Change jobs...
Living live a little more happier...
Still wish i wasn't single *lolz, actually i'm totally enjoying the single life*
Wants to start swimming...
My belly has grown double in size since i graduated... :-D
Someone said my bum is round *sexy*...
To everyone Merry Christmas (never too late to wish) and a Happy New Year..

~Last Episode~

2009-10-16T05:59:00.000-07:00

"I couldn't stay any longer. I was fighting a battle with fate and as i left the city of angels. As I walked the endless journey home, each night i prayed to God but would he listen to the needs of a sinner. So no matter how much I loved her or how much I needed her, it would not have made a difference. It would not mean anything. We would never be together. We could not exist in the same world. And so this are my memories, the memories of the boy who once laid eyes on forbidden love..."

*Real life update*

well as most of you might know, i've already started working (in shah alam)...don't ask why i picked such a place to work...*hint : they pay good money*...(for now)...moving on..it has already been a month working...changes in my life..apparently i can speak cantonese and mandarin with a slang...i'm known as a walking dictionary and translator...TPK has started working with me...and apparently i'm the office stud (i would be flattered if a girl said it)...my colleagues call me the MD's golden child...the MD is still calling me Mr. Jason...while he calls everyone by their first name...just got my first pay but it's all gone now...thinking of quitting my job...yes QUITTING MY JOB...some people might say it's stupid but somehow i don't feel satisfied...i'm not being challenge in this current job, everything is so boring, so mundane and i really think i can do better...alot of people are asking me to stay on...just to give it a try...maybe it's me..i'm eager to climb up the ladder of success cause currently i'm feeling as though i'm climbing down...i think i need some time to think...hopefully the weekend helps...

*more interesting news*

i fell asleep while waiting for the traffic light to turn green today...

i bought a new phone :-D

i'm still single

~Cursed Nightmares~

2009-08-20T10:09:00.000-07:00

"...as the days and weeks went by, I wonder if I still missed her. I did not miss her one bit but yet I still craved for her forbidden love. What was this feeling? This urge. This curse. Those dreams I had, it seemed so surreal, so vivid. It made me crave for her even more. I was losing my mind. I just wanted her all to myself. To chase her would be chasing a life that I will never have. Yet each night I would dream of her in my arms but would wake up screaming as I watched her walk away in the arms of another..."

*real-life update*
went for an interview with a SMALL company recently, got the job, but sadly will be rejecting them. hope i'm making the right choice...oh yea started playing pool again...and started capo training again!!!...sweet...never knew how much i missed capo until i started going to class again...

~Best of Both Worlds~

2009-08-05T05:07:00.001-07:00

"she had her own world. i had mine.she wanted the best of both worlds. but all I ever wanted was the best of her world. I was always there. just a whisper away. just a thought away. I never left her side or sight. if only she realized. We came from different lives. We came from different worlds. would the likes of her mingle with the likes of me, a peasant boy. would an angel fall for a simple human boy? I knew she deserved much better..."

p/s : as most of you know i'm currently UNemployed. so i'm pretty much very free to update. i would think that this is the continuation to the first post...however i somehow feel this doesn't have much impact as the last...hmmm...maybe i'm not bored enough..or there aren't any stewardess around to inspire me...

~Perfection~

2009-08-01T02:42:00.001-07:00

"as I gazed upon her beauty after what seemed like eternity. I realized her beauty had not change one bit. still angelic. still ethereal. still as lovely as the first day I laid eyes on her. I asked myself. did I still love her? did I still want her? did my heart still yearn for her forbidden love and as the morning rays shone upon the perfect skin on her face. I realized that she was an angel and I wasn't anyway close to her perfection. I was just human, there was nothing I could give her that she already had..."

p/s : was bored as hell on the flight and for some reason these words started running through my head...so i thought i would write it down somewhere... i feel that its kinda nice...care to comment?

~SB Syndrome~

2009-07-27T19:39:00.001-07:00

okay updates are due...when to melbourne had lots of fun, went on a shopping spree, sat in a horse carriage, saw chairman mao's skinnier brother, met new friends, got adopted by a family in clayton (best family on bettina street), spent the most awesome time with the most awesome'mest' people in the world...well winter in melbourne is just COLD...at times it was bone chilling/spine hurting cold...but i gotta say i always went out like a was used to the cold just wearing only two thin layer on clothes (must act macho abit mar)...well i proud to admit that the dry air and the cold in winter makes you not want to take a bath...first of all...you'll have to freeze your balls off (if you're a guy) or nipples off (if you are a girl...saying freezing the vajayjay off wouldn't sound appropriate)...spent so much time with my clayton family (zhou, wei lun, sophie, suan and not forgetting brandon, sue ann, kuo hao, jit tee and tiffany and many more) though didn't spend as much time with the others i still had a great time...okay moving on to the title...most of you would be wondering what the hell it means...

well first of all let me start off with how much i love winter...

1. the cold - seriously you don't feel like you're melting under the hot sun
2. no sweat - you don't sweat at all
3. few baths - no sweat hence no need to bathe
4. eat more - warm food always taste nicer in cold weather
5. shopping - winter sales everywhere...OMFG...
6. many more but just can't think of any now cause i feel so fucking sweaty and hot
7. oh ya the thing i hate most bout winter is the cold toilet sits...fucking hell...no matter how sleepy you are you will wake up once you plant your ass on an icy cold toilet sit in the morning

well now that i'm back in m'sia i feel that it its utterly hot and humid and i feel so damn sticky every time...by the way i haven't left my room since last night cause i need the aircon...cause once i get out of my room i experience the SB syndrome...its hot and humid as i mentioned earlier and only one thing can happen when its hot and humid...sweaty balls...yes so i might be staying in until this sweaty balls syndrome is over...

My Clayton Family...(i miss you all)

~for you~

2009-06-29T05:16:00.000-07:00

if not for you,
i've would never had made is thus far,
if not for you,
i would have never gotten up each time i fell.

it was you,
who made me chase my dreams,
it was you,
who never gave up on me.

because of you,
i've grown to be the man i am today,
because of you,
i stand tall, proud and strong.

and for you,
i will be the man you once were,
and for you.
i will continue chasing your dream, my dream, our dreams.

this post is dedicated to my hero, my role model, my father, my papa...

hey pa, thanks for bringing me this far, the day you left i thought life would end for us but you never let us feel neglected in any way whatsoever. you've made me the man i am today. you made me this strong. you made us this strong. you will always be loved no matter where you are. you will always be missed no matter how far you are.and you will always be remembered as my hero and my father...Thank you papa...I Love You Pa...till we meet again please keep on looking down on us...i promise to continue living your dream...just watch i'll make you proud...

~Bigger Dreams~

2009-06-29T04:59:00.000-07:00

yea so i've finish my exams, fingers crosses it will be the last of the exams i'm taking for now...let's pray now that by the time the results are out i can proudly say i am an engineering graduate...over these 4 year i've met a whole bunch of friends from different walks of life and of of different races, nationality and tribes (machodian, killerdian, daijiodian and etc.) along the way we've gotten closer to some and even closer with others (not in the naughty way ar)...we've had our ups and downs...laughters and unforgettable moments...moments and memories that i will cherish forever...i'm going to miss all of these...i'm going to miss you guys and girls...i'm going to miss you all...let's just hope we'll take the effort to meet up once in awhile (tommy, please don't be so lazy to come hang out with us)...4 years have gone and past so so so fast. it was just like yesterday that i was sitting next to SH1 thinking that my life in uni was doomed...luckily god loved me so so so much, i met all of YOU...i'm sure you know who you are...the list will definitely be too long to name each and everyone of you...and knowing me i will definitely forget one or two names...you all have taught me so much about life...i don't think so that my uni life would be as memorable if my only friend was SH1...this is how i would imagine myself if i didn't meet each and everyone of you guys and girls... "eh eh eh eh eh, i graduate d...eh eh eh eh"....i would really like to thank each and everyone of you from the bottom of my heart for travelling this journey with me...to my family i would never have reach this stage without your support mum, kor and of course you pa (i know you're always looking down on us)...all my uncles, aunties and cousins...my family you have been my strength and my pillar that brought me thus far...i love you all...and lastly but not least..Thank You God...

let the new chapter of my life begin, where i chase bigger more impossible dreams...
with this i end this post...

p/s : Let the PARTIES begin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Revival~

2009-06-01T04:22:00.000-07:00

omg its been such a long time since i've drop by...this place is almost dead..except for my loyal wishful thinking friends who drop every now and then thinking i've somehow miraculously updated the blog...well i know i've been MIA for a pretty damn long time...been busy with play and study...trying to balance the two without being carried away with play...i've picked up some bad habits along the way but 'life's short, fuck hard' as they always say, right?well moving on to the study part, final sem has been what i might call a emofuckintional rollercoaster...one day we're all having fun chatting with each other and the next day everyone is rushing to finish up on the workload...seriously i think i've had enough of uni/studying life...whoever said studying is better than working...FUCK YOU...you never took an engineering course and you must be some rich ass spoilt brat who lives on daddy and mummy's trust funds *awkward silence*...well lets put that out of the way and move on...its going to be the end of my studying life or so i hope...and i really never asked myself what i would do after i graduate...i know i've always said yeah get a job...but what job?what line?where?how?...well so far i've only reached the stage of "i want a damn holiday after all this is over" anything after that stage i never really put much thought into it...well hopefully that holiday of mine could really help me out maybe teach me a thing or two bout making up my mind...and maybe then eventually i can concentrate on chasing my dreams again...

p/s : guys if you're reading this and you get a job before i do...put a good word in for me to the boss heh...thanks...

~Priceless Moment~

2009-04-12T11:39:00.001-07:00

~Major Update~

2009-04-05T01:33:00.000-07:00

~1st Post : Pool~

Thanks to Aqel, Alex, Sara and Tham Pak Kwan i'm hooked to pool all over again...i think i'm getting better at it...cause losing to this guys every time when a chick is looking kinda pai seh la...so have to quietly practice with my new kakis Chris, Nick and Pat...hahaha...come to think of it now i know where all my pocket money ahs been going too...cause i would wake up during the weekend and look into my wallet and wonder why its empty...all gone to POOL...eh guys we haven't gone pool in awhile d leh...last week no pool session la...and this time we better remember to call Vjay...eh wonder if Carol plays pool or she'll just 'cakar' the whole table...

~2nd Post : Thesis~

Since the semester started i've retired from my RA post and started being hardworking AGAIN and started on my FYP ( Fucking Young People/Fail Your Project/Fuck You Planner/Final Year Phucking)...well been getting positive results from my Pak Pak, he seems pretty happy since he got hold of his two new boy bitches Alex and Aqel and also my experiment results though i think he is just happier cause of the first reason...haha...(popsickles)...so he has pretty much laid off calling and sms'ing' me constantly in the morning which is a total relieve...on the other hand everyone has shifted up to the 6th floor lab...which is pretty cool...i'm not stuck up there alone anymore...we just started out mini football club...and by mini i mean the ball not the club...we were just caught by the lab tech during our practice however he seemed cool bout it so i guess practice will resume as usual...we might start a mini baseball club if Carol ever visits us up there again.Oh back to my FYP...Pak Pak just told me that i have to start my research soon...which got me kind of dumbstruck cause i don't know what to research on...*help?*...

~3rd Post : Fast & Furious Syndrome~

For convenience we'll be using FFS as a short form for this Fast & Furious Syndrome. First of all i would like the say the movie was above mediocre as the story line was kinda ummmm directionless...but what saved it was the cars...well moving on...shit i'll just get straight to the point...went to watch the movie.decided to go to mamak after movie.paid parking and started our way to the car.thats where FFS started.suddenlly you start hearing tyres screeching and engines "roaring" (by engine roaring i mean screaming actually as kancil drivers TRY to think/imagine that they're driving a mustang) at every corner. cars speed past you and tail gating each other in the parking lot.left the parking lot.suddenlly everyone you find yourself stuck in the movie set but only this time the cars are going at 60km/hr but they again TRY to imagine they're moving at 200km/hr in a kancil swerving in and out of traffic.got onto the highway.first accident car jumps railing onto opposite of the road.second accident car on fire *wait* was on fire.3rd accident 5 car pile up.hmmm FFS syndrome side effects.m'sian drivers at their best trying to feel like vin diesel but FAIL *wait* EPIC FAIL at trying to do it...so now i'll just post up a short explanation of how one actually gets infected with FFS and its side effects...

Fast & Furious Syndrome (FFS)
The infected drive MALAYSIAN made cars and have recently watch Fast & Furious 4 for numerous times until they've memorize the damn scripts. They've been affected by previous FFS but of different strains (Fast & Furious Syndrome 1, Too Fast Too Furious Sydrome and Fast & Furious Tokyo Drift Sydrome) and of course all are still suffering from side effects of the previous syndromes.

FFS Side Effects
- change exhaust (the head only)
- change car lights to christmas lights or similar
- start driving like an asshole at 60km/hr (in kancil mostly) for 'wira'lutions 80km/hr
- funky coloured cars which is still okay except that the interior matches the exterior even the driver
- more accidents EVERYWHERE
- suddenly everyone needs to do a wheelspin at the traffic light
- suddenly everyone needs to tailgate
- suddenly everyone wants to crash into something
- suddenly everyone wants to be called vin... =_=

~25 things~

2009-03-01T05:16:00.000-08:00

thanks to sophie which she put a twist on the viral tag note on facebook of '25 random things'. i'm going to do what she did. 25 things i hate...i hope you don't mind me stealing your idea ya...hehe...so here we go...

1. i hate being alone (actually afraid of being alone)
2. i hate missing 'you'
3. i hate paying for expensive meals which taste mediocre
4. i hate jln alor beef ball noodle, it really sucks and that place is just fucking dirty
5. i hate the fact that i'm here and you're there
6. I HATE EMO PEOPLE
7. i'm hating myself for starting this damn thing..damn it
8. i hate stupid/lame/idiotic excuses...if you don't want just say NO...
9. i'm starting to hate something called a 'Solar Air Heater'
10. i might start to hate 'Solar Passive Cooling' too
11. i hate diluted milo and nescafe
12. i hate being tag in viral notes on facebook
13. damn i hate so many things..
14. ahhh...i hate streamyx (only when it lags)
15. i hate mondays
16. i hate people who are always late or FFK...but if i'm late i have a valid reason or i think i have one
17. i hate it that when i graduate the economy will be shitty and i can't be picky
18. i hate kajang satay
19. i hate cockroaches
20. i hate playing RPSLS a.k.a Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock
21. i hate missing you
22. shut up i know i wrote that before...i hate you for noticing
23. i hate the feeling of dejavu it makes me all weird and feel like a freak
24. i hate leaving it to fate...i make my own destiny!!!
25. i hate it that he is gone...i wish he was still here... :o)

ok i'm done...took bout 2 hours...urgh...argh...blarghhh...

~They Say~

2009-02-22T04:28:00.000-08:00

they say i haven't been updating my blog...asking me questions and reasons for not updating it...pressuring me to update...but can't they understand my situation??the place that i am in...maybe i should put them in my shoes and see how they feel...what feeling is that you ask??i feel fucking lazy laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...hehehehe...yeah...been relaxing too much...the only time i can't relax is when i'm trying to sleep in the morning and get a sms from pak pak which always reads "r u comin in tis am?"..mine you my pak pak is like 60 plus and his sms short forms are better than mine...some times i take days just to decipher his messages...well i've been complaining about not having a proper holiday but come to think of it...i had quite a good holiday la...penang, bangkok and genting...ok what...and alot of time spent at the movies and shopping centers thanks to someone...because of you i can't count the number of times i've been to pavilion with my 10 fingers already =.= ... anyway before people start asking too many questions...i'm just writting this post so those you said i didn't update my blog can't disturb me anymore..so ok la..update d ar...ciaoz...

p/s : i'll update properly later on la...

~consistently inconsistent~

2009-01-16T05:38:00.000-08:00

been consistently inconsistent in updating my blog, its hard to find stuff or the inspiration to write these days...i guess after a rough almost going to be a year since i've became a single man...i've been keeping myself so darn busy i never stopped to smell the roses (or from a pessimist's point of view the shit on the sole of my shoe)...well just got back from a holiday actually more of a food fiesta just looking at the amount of food we tried to gobble down within such a short period of time...was in penang with some of the people that i've gotten to know at my time in monash and which have become one of my closest friends...although some of us couldn't make it...it was still a blast (sara, tpk, vjay, tommy and the others that i missed out please make the next trip)...i woke up early the first day we were there decided to re-park the car so we wouldn't be charge for parking but i was a minute late so we got charged anyway (shouldn't have wasted time scratching my balls)...then decided to stay down in the lounge area because everyone else was sleeping...i just sat and realize all the times we spent together as friends and every single damn detail that we just ignore until we realized its gone...so that was when i decided "heck, there only today and tomorrow left...let us unleash hell in penang!!!"...well so our journey began...us getting lost almost every time making a U-turn at every turn but once we reached out destination he would create havok!!!...chatting up on old times and and making fun of each other and laughing till our stomachs hurt so bad...non stop laughter from destination to destination stuffing ourselves with anything that smelled nice, we even had a mini competition for two char kuey teow shops in the same hawker center and "mou tak teng" char kuey teow won out right (yes the name of the shop was mou tak teng)...we talked bout so many thing in between our meals and after that just before we all dozed off...from serious topics to lame riddles and even lamer jokes to heart to heart talks all pack into 3 days of "unleashing hell" in penang...but once the dust settle and when it all ended it felt kinda bittersweet...glad we got to hang out but i wish it would go on forever...just letting go and leaving it all behind...i got back home and for awhile felt 'sad' it was so quiet and lonely then i smiled and said "when are we going to do this again?"...so in a way this trip taught me to keep the ones that a dear to me and cherish every moment cause you never know when the moment will end until everyone is gone...figuratively speaking la...

p/s : our next trip will be melaka guys a day trip only...or maybe stay one night stay...depending on whether zhou, sara and carol are willing to take us into their homes for the night...

~square one~

2009-01-01T08:22:00.000-08:00

back to square one, thats what they always say...well got this call yesterday from my faithful boss/supervisor/pak pak..."jason, how do you measure the velocity in the solar air heater?"...so i patiently explained to him how i did it...then there was an awkward silence...then he said "NOOOO, thats wrong already!!why did you do that?!?!?"...i replied with a cool voice "cause you asked me to sir?"...then he kept quiet again...let out a big sigh and said..."its all wrong la like that, all your results are useless...DO EVERYTHING AGAIN?"...at that point i swear on my own grandfather's/grandmother's and all my ancestor's grave i wanted to say "Sir, Are You Fucking Crazy?!?!?"...but all i said was "Oh Okay"...so right now i'm back to square one...everything my colleague and me have been doing for the pass 1 month all gone down the drain...i was totally sick and tired of it all...but after lying on the sand on the beach yesterday and clearing my mind...trying to relate work stuff and other stuff...i actually realize that there are other things that are back at square one...firstly my love life is back at square one (yes i am finding for a new mate...finally...haha), secondly its a new year and my resolutions are back at square one too...i now have to come out with a new resolution and lastly my life is back at square one...i think that time on the beach kinda gave me some clarity on what i really want in life...that there are some things that we should hold on too and some things that we have to let go...eventually...so with that just want to wish everyone a happy new year and a great 2009 for all...so lets all start back at square one and make the best of life...and stop looking back...

so far my new year resolution is

1. stay away from emo people (they really fuck the environment up)
2. be better at capoeira (wanna be able to be flipping around like a little monkey)
3. watch less porn (according to some sources excessive masturbation can cause hair loss)
4. GET LAID... (haha...just joking)

~Question~

2008-12-25T07:14:00.000-08:00

something to ponder on this christmas season...

Would you tell a lie to someone you love?
You love her so much that every time she walks away it kills you inside,
You feel so close to her but nothing can happen,
Which brings the phrase "So close yet so far" to a whole new level,
Would you lie to her and tell her "I Don't Love You Anymore" and regret those tainted words for the rest of your life just so she can live her life and chase her dreams,
Or would you follow your heart and tell her "I Love You, Please Stay This Time"...

Merry Christmas To All and To All a Happy New Year!!!

~direction-less~

2008-12-09T09:29:00.000-08:00

is that even a word??
direction-less...yeah been feeling like that for a couple of days...a sudden overwhelming feeling that i'm not so sure what the hell/fuck i want in life...i mean to make things easier for everyone to understand i've always had a goal or vision of what i wanted to do...like tomorrow i want to do 'this'...next week i want to do 'that'...next month i must get 'this' and 'that'...but lately...i've been in a trance like mode...i think...i'll just wake up in the morning and don't have a clue or even the slightest idea of what i want to do with my day...i'll just be like someone on weed stoning the day away...its not that i don't like feeling like this...i just feel disturbed that i'm feeling like this...are this symptoms of depression...i don't feel sad...loneliness??...i'm not a loner...craziness??...maybe, but i doubt it...i feel as though i'm wasting all my energy doing nothing the whole day...there has to be something better for me to do out there...get a job...i already have one...get a social life??...not the greatest but i'm satisfied with my social life...hmmm...get a girl??...*we'll just keep it to myself*...and so it beckons...what do i really want from this point onwards in life???...do i want you???do i really need you???

~the idea or thought~

2008-11-27T08:26:00.000-08:00

well i've been having mixed emotions about writing this post cause i think it would definitely put me in a vulnerable position but i guess one has to push all the envelopes in life...so here we go...ever been in love?ever loved someone?ever been loved by someone?what the heck does love mean?we're constantly saying those three words for fun, for expressing our feelings or just to get that hot girl in bed...???...correct me if i'm wrong...i'm sure one of you reading this has done it before...so well...when do we really know that we're in love...do we feel it in our head, heart or pants?...which then takes me to my next question...are we in love with that person or just obsessed with the idea or thought of being in love???the latter which means that one needs to be always in a relationship no matter who that other person is...that person would be addicted to being in love but not in love with that other half...if you get my drift...FUCK!! i almost feel this post is talking a stroll on the emo side of me...but moving on...what do people expect out of relationships?happiness?tears?heart to heart talks?sex?.. what makes a relationship so fucking addictive that some of us just keep jumping head first into it...or others just keep yearning for it...aren't there better things in life...?well i can't think of any now actually (personally its because i couldn't live alone or be a loner)...hahaha...which then brings me to my part of MY question...do i still love YOU?...or am i just obsessed with the idea or thought of being in love with YOU?...well i guess we'll have to wait for that chapter to come...we'll know pretty soon i guess...wonder how far i will go...maybe then i will know what i really want...

~Like WTF??? Again~

2008-10-19T18:58:00.000-07:00

okok...i'm uploading videos cause i'm just relaxing in between

studying...so only until after my exams i'll be posting proper stuff...

anyways have fun with these videos...

this is so so wrong on so many levels i don't know where to begin...

~Like WTF???~

2008-10-19T18:48:00.000-07:00

what the fuck?!?!?!?...who in their correct mind would buy this for

their child...i only can come up with two options

(a) they want their son to grow up being obsess with dicks

(b) they want their daughter to grow up being obsess with dicks

you choose...omg...

~Charity of Stupidity~

2008-10-01T08:36:00.000-07:00

i'm thinking twice about writing this post...because of the characters that will be mentioned here are those very close to me and the last thing i would want to do is to offend them...but the situation has reached a point where i cannot stand by the sidelines and keep my mouth shut anymore...it is at the point where i feel fucking furious about it...so i shall let it out here...

to what extend does one helps someone in need?how much are we willing to do for that friend or person...or maybe in my scenario how much of SHIT are we willing to take from this person that we are helping...putting it hypothetically if a stranger stole something from you...would you forgive that stranger?...i don't think so...but if someone you knew stole something from you??what would you do...or if someone you knew CONSTANTLY stole stuff from you...what the FUCK would you do???i for one would not sit at the sidelines anymore...but for one to still stick by that person who stole from you and try to defend that evilbitch ...for me...i just cannot accept or begin understand why would you want to do that...i mean at first it was just petty things such as food, then it moved on to money and now even clothes and more valuable items...there has to be a point where all this bullshit has to end...i'm really sorry if you read this but it is how i feel...no matter what that person may have done for you or affected your life in the past...they have no fucking right whatsoever to treat you like this...and for that person even to accuse you of stealing their belongings??that beats everything i just mentioned...they not only steal from you and now instead accuse you of stealing from them...IT IS JUST WRONG!!!!...how can one take such bullshit from such a low-life motherfucking scumbag...i really think that only you can put a stop to all of these...there has to be a line where you say "hell NO, i ain't taking any of your shit anymore!!!"...before these people move on to ruin your life and your family...i would seriously dread the day when all would tell you "I TOLD YOU SO"...so from the very bottom of my heart...i hope you find the courage and will to put your foot down and say enough is enough..."you're fired bitch"...

i wonder if i should be writing this post with so much pent up anger in me...but for me charity is helping someone with good intentions without expecting anything in return but gratitude...but when you help someone and they in turn instead of expressing their gratitude to you start to STEAL from you...and you accept it...that is just stupidity...

~Serenity or Serene Insanity ~

2008-09-25T03:46:00.000-07:00

i've just finish one of the most busiest week of my life...barely had anytime to sleep...barely had anytime to jack off too...nah just kidding...seriously i was at the point where i felt i couldn't breathe let alone think how to write a proper report...somehow overdose of coffee and the lack of sleep and piles of non-stop in coming work tends to get you pretty agitated/irritated/annoyed...i was at the brink of insanity...even the squeaking sound of my fan was like a siren screaming in my head and it made me wanna fill my ears with super glue (i know that wouldn't be a good idea but i was almost going crazy)...and my neighbours 'paris hilton' style dog wasn't helping either constantly yapping like a chihuahua being anal probe with a pisang tanduk...some times i wished it would die like how the last one did (was thrown up in the air like a rag doll by a dalmatian)...*smiles evilly*...oh well...i think i was expecting a less hectic 4th year...but i was way way off target...whoever was the nut that said 4th year would be relaxing never took 4th year engineering...during moments like this we tend to look back at that holiday where we stood on the beach/edge of the mountain/balcony of a chalet looking at the sunset/sunrise/somehotchick and say to yourself "DAMN THAT'S LIFE BITCH"...i miss such moments of serenity and some times wish i could escape the insanity of the real world...so i was thinking of some place to go during the holidays...some nice place where i can forget everything for that few days...be a totally different person...create HAVOK...then regret later...anyone want to join me??or any suggestions where i should go...so far on the list from last year...TPK's and SARA's name has been signed up for the holiday to 'somewhere'...any other takers???

~Crashed But Not Burned~

2008-09-12T06:06:00.000-07:00

as i moved closer, my grip got tighter,i felt my heartbeat rising,my palms got clammy,i felt somewhat excited and yet scared,should i stop and turn back,should i just follow my gut,i'm caught in the moment, i move ahead,my grip gets tighter,heartbeat races even faster,i hold my breath,and breathe a sigh of relief...yeah that is how i felt a few days after i passed my accident site...yeah i somewhat managed to crash my car...here is how it goes...

rushing back + tired + not enough sleep + tyres weren't inflated properly + raining + puddle of water = skidded, lost control, crashed

...that's the short version...been explaining too many times already...and please don't ask how fast i was going...between all that from loosing control to coming to a crashing halt...looking back i'm actually amazed at how much stuff can flash through a persons mind when faced with a near death experience (yes i actually thought it was my time to meet the BIG GUY)...i think now i know what people mean by "my whole life flash before my eyes"...seriously...i thought of everyone possible...or everybody's face flash through my mind...i can't tell which...all i know when it all ended...i went "OHHHH FUCKKKK!!!!!"...then tried to put my car into reverse and continue driving...so like every other day i've been passing my accident site...replaying the sound and visions that i remembered oh so clearly...i've actually gotten to the stage where i can make sound effects when i'm passing by...it goes something like "spushhhh...eeeeeeeee....swoosh swoosh swoosh...bang...@#^%$&(that's me cursing)...bang again...thud..." so yeah i'm getting over my fear of crashing...so far the fastest i've been able to push myself is 100km/h...somehow i can't go above that yet...waiting for it to rain though...want to see how i'll fair then..so anyone else got any near death experiences to share???

~Corrupt Minds~

2008-09-10T07:04:00.000-07:00

this is just an explanation for the last post that got more attention than i expected...haha...well according to my sources...YOUNG CHILDREN are unable to indentify the intimate couple but instead will immediately see dolphins...this is because they do not have any prior memories to such images/scenarios...what they actually see are nine dolphins...oh yah...if you took more than 3 seconds to spot the dolphins...your mind is corrupted...i took bout a whole 10 minutes to realize the dolphins...not bad for NG...hehehehe...

~Do You See What I See~

2008-09-08T03:47:00.000-07:00

Okay...take some time to look at the picture above...don't judge me just yet...what did you see? I'll appreciate if you guys left a comment...just to see what kind of readers i have...will update on the answer in a few days...

~Mislayer~

2008-08-20T03:14:00.000-07:00

oh well it's time for me to bitch bout life...haha...just kidding...although lately i've been feeling somewhat old/senile/nyayuk/forgetful/absent minded...for some reason since the sem started i've been mislaying stuff...i used to be very *how do you put it* aware of my surroundings...but as i get ~~older~~ more mature...i just tend to lose track of where i put my stuff...just 4 weeks back...i decided to leave my 4G thumbdrive in the com lab for some unbeknown charity reason...no la actually that damn thumbdrive was so fucking small i just left it there...then a few days later i ALMOST lost my ever faithful mechanical pencil...if someone had actually took it...i don't think so i'll be able to continue studying anymore...(eh that pencil means alot to me ok)...its the only stationery item that has been with me since secondary school...hehe...so if any of your evil doers out there who wants me to fail miserably steal my pencil...hehe...that pencil is like my Excalibur or *being a little more patriotic* my Keris Taming Sari...so anyways...before i make a shrine for my pencil...the newest thing that i've misplaced is my lab key!!!(i swear Pak Pak is going to have my balls for breakfast if he actually finds out that i lost the key)...so oh well...i wonder if this is a sign for me to stop being so oblivious or ignorant bout my surroundings...i wonder if there is some book to help people like me out there...something like "Be Aware For Dummies"...oh wells...hopefully the keys will eventually turn up somewhere and not become legends like the Excalibur or the Keris Taming Sari...

~Crying Wolf~

2008-08-16T03:04:00.000-07:00

Don't worry this is not some kind of emo post...as i have promised, there will be no emo cock an bull here...so well...some of you might know that i'm currently doing my fourth year in engineering...so this is where i start doing my FYP (~~Fucking Young People)~~ (Final Year Project la)...i wish it was the strikeout one though...that be interesting...but oh well...life goes on...so yeah...going back to the story.I was so called stuck in the lab doing my work...as i was under pressure by OKS aka Prof Ong Kok Seng aka Pak Pak...i was neglecting my fourth year project so he kinda verbally fucked me and then politely asked me to start doing my project...so as i was doing my work up in the lab...i logged on to facebook and decided to see how much attention i could get just by updating my status...so what i type next was something so random nobody would actually take it serious...it was "Jason is stuck in the 6th floor lab...HELP!!!"...low and behold...i receive a message from my oh so sweet godsister..."Are you still stuck in the lab?!?!?"...hahahahaha...i burst out laughing...then i messaged her on msn...and i found out that she really thought i was stuck in the lab...oh well it's not the end yet...as i continued making fun of her being so naive...she went on to call me a 'idiot wrap in a moron'...hahaha...i think thats what defines my character nowadays...so anyways it got me thinking that just a simple message could make someone worry so much...while others were just oblivious about the fact of me crying wolf...hmmm...do i cry wolf that much??i wonder...maybe those close to me would say i could lie with a straight face or not even blink when i tell a lie...but have the people lost trust in NG???

~Karma's Bitch~

2008-08-03T04:54:00.001-07:00

kar·ma [kahr-muh]

1.	Hinduism, Buddhism. action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation: in Hinduism one of the means of reaching Brahman.

2.	Theosophy. the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation.

3.	fate; destiny.

4.	the good or bad emanations felt to be generated by someone or something.

Anyone believes in Karma? Well I'm not suppose to believe in karma...yeah but what the heck...you can call it 'bad luck' or 'shit happens'...or whatever you want to name it...IT'S JUST FUCKING KARMA...well basically what it means is that 'what goes around comes around' *slap yourself if justin timberlake's song is playing in your head*...urgh basically what we've done in the pass will come back to you eventually...it may take days maybe years...no one ever knows...no one ever realizes...only the people around us are aware of it...they'll be like "see la...i told you so right...you idiot!!!"...I'm not proud of what I've been doing lately...my close friends will know my story...It's to complicated and a little emo-ish to be posted here...so...the story stay a secret...it has to stay a secret...lolz...well guess what...i think karma is coming back fast...and its going to bite me in the ass real hard and i'll be shitting karma rocks for a week...many would ask me to stop what I'm doing...but I'm a sucker for getting myself into trouble...I can't leave without complications...you can say that I NEED COMPLICATIONS...as my friend would put it..."if its not complicated, its not NG"...well i guess eventually...i will come to my senses and figure out what i should do...well this post was actually to say that if karma took a form of a human...it will be a *can i make it clear that I'm not trying to portray myself as a male chauvinist pig but..* form of a super hot lady...why??cause KARMA IS A BITCH...*ouch*...

~Evoking Change~

2008-05-15T05:23:00.000-07:00

e·voke

–verb (used with object), e·voked, e·vok·ing.

1.	to call up or produce (memories, feelings, etc.): to evoke a memory.

2.	to elicit or draw forth: His comment evoked protests from the shocked listeners.

3.	to call up; cause to appear; summon: to evoke a spirit from the dead.

4.	to produce or suggest through artistry and imagination a vivid impression of reality: a short passage that manages to evoke the smells, colors, sounds, and shapes of that metropolis.

This blog is another darker side of me...that hates and despises the other 'emo' side...this part of me wants to break free from the things in the past that is keeping me from finding my way in life...so i've taken over to evoke change in my life...to break free from the past...to find my true potential and to do whatever i want to fucking do...